I am
writing this as someone who is single, but longing to be reminded of what God
designed marriage to be. Also I am yearning to write this in the most
respectful way, while emphasizing what many face especially if they are in
chronic pain.
Specifically
for individuals with Fibromyalgia, they face an 80% chance of getting a
divorce. This could happen for a variety of reasons. Individuals with some kind
of chronic illness have a divorce rate of 70-80%. This is ridiculously high,
even amist the crazy sometimes hopeless storm of pain, poverty, and
frustrations--Marriages are falling apart, which makes things only worse in the
lives of these individuals.
I have
been thinking about this topic a lot in the past few days. I read many heart
breaking stories about people's marriages. Sometimes, things get too hard. And
other times, situations or illnesses are given to one person and another
doesn't really understand what is going on. I have been privileged enough to be
able to pray for these friends and people I meet online, but also to count my
blessings on my own single status. I wanted to blog a bit about what God
designed marriage to be. It hasn't ever been something to be taken lightly, yet
so often when something bad happens to one---the other says "i'm out of
here." This is NOT the way God intended marriages or
relationships. If it was the way He intended relationships, we would not know
His freedom, grace, or salvation!
So, what
about the divorce rates if you aren't part of the 50% chronically ill
population? What about you? 50% of all marriages fail. It doesn't seem to
matter if the couple is part of the Church or not. Many things attribute to it.
I am not going to get into the specifics any more than I already have, but I do
want to talk specifically about how God intended marriage and the example of
our marriage to Him!
What was
marriage meant to be like?
How did
God design it?
What are
our responsibilities?
Does our
marriage with God belong in this equation? Most definitely, it does!
We have
a spiritual marriage that can give us insight on how to handle our physical
marriages. Isaiah 54:5 states: "For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your
Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called." How can God impacted
our relationship? How does our relationship impact our marriage and
relationships with others?
This is
what I am wanting to write about tonight. I think it is very important. If we
do not look at our marriage with God, how can we know how to appropriately care
for our marriage if we have physical marriage with a husband or wife?
What is the marriage to look like?
In
Genesis, marriage is the coming together as one. It is no longer him and her,
rather it is them--together. Genesis 2:24 says, "That is why a man leaves
his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one
flesh." Marriage is about submitting to one another. It is not about who
is wrong or who is right, rather it is about submitting and giving yourselves
to each other.
What would a biblical husband look like? What would a
biblical wife look like? What should we be like now while we are single?
Ephesians
5:24-33
"Wives,
submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the
husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body,
of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also
wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands,
love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for
her to make her holy, cleansing her
by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself
as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy
and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as
their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one
ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as
Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this
reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and
the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am
talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must
love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."
Let's
talk about the husband's responsibilities according
to this passage. He must lead his
wife. He is to love his wife, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself
up for her. It is about following God's will, and nothing else! What a picture
this would be. What would happen if men led like this? If I find a man like
this, I don't think I would have a trouble with submitting. It is about caring
for her and leading her closer to Christ. It is more than just submitting, but
the leading in obedience with God's will.
In
Titus, it also gives a fuller picture of what these husbands should possibly
look like. They are to be self-tempered, worthy of respect, sound in faith, in love, and in endurance.
(Titus 2:2) These go well with the characteristics of the Ephesians 5 husband.
He is putting his family first showing them what it means to have faith, loving
them abundantly, and choosing to devote himself to teach his children and wife,
point them towards the Lord, and chooses to disciple them. In the New Living
Translation, it states that the husband should live wisely. If husbands want
respect, they need to live wisely choosing to give the best example for the
family they are responsible for.
Also in
Titus, it says more regarding men (relates to husbands too..):
"Similarly,
encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an
example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity,
seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that
those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about
us." (Titus 2:6-8) Setting an example is a big key. How you are in
your family says alot about a person. How you lead your family is a big part of
your example and the responsibility God has given you. Since the husband is
seen the head, just as Christ is the head of the church, he will give an
account to God for how he leads and takes care of his family.
What about the wives? What should wives look like? How do they
influence the marriage? What should they bring
to the table?
First
off, they should be submissive as previously mentioned. I believe if my future
husband would live wisely and lead the family as the godly leader God intended,
I would not have a problem with being labeled as "submissive".
What
does Titus say that adds to the attributes of the Ephesians 5 woman? In Titus
2:3-5 says a lot about how we should be as women. We may be wives or may be
still single. It still has a lot to say to us. We are to be reverent in the way
we live, teaching what is good,
urging younger women to love their
husbands and children, be self controlled, pure, busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to our husbands. So,
that no one will malign the word of God.
When we
do not hold to these attributes, I think marriages are bound to fall apart.
When we do not recognize the greater picture and begin to live biblically, it
is easier to look at the world and see what is common. 50-80% of marriages end
in divorce in America! Our actions are going to speak on behalf on God's word.
When we fail to do what the Bible says, Titus 2:5 says that God's word is being
dishonored. We are making a covenant with God and our spouses, and so often it
is being dishonored because we are not taking His word or our marriages
seriously!
Seriously..
Realizing
that I am a singled one, I can begin to pray for my future marriage and husband
and begin to desire and work toward these attributes of working at caring for
my home, being kind, subjecting to those in authority positions (as long
as they are following God's will), teaching what is good, and choosing to live
wisely! Just because it says the woman is to busy at home does not matter that
is what she is restricted to---it means giving her marriage one of the first
priorities as she seeks to do God's will!
Goal:
The goal
of the marriage to be each other's helper and definitely grow each other closer to the Lord. This is the
GOAL of marriage, guys! We are missing it. Instead of seeing it as a failure,
we need to see it as the opportunity to grow in
our marriages and relationships with others.
How has God acted toward us?
In
Hosea, we see what kind of marriage we were in with God before. We were
prostituting ourselves, we were in serious debt, and God redeemed us. We can
see this through Hosea 1-3. As the church, we are Christ's bride! We are his
beautifully fallen bride that He continues to rescue. We have prostituted
ourselves just as Gomor has in Hosea 1:2. We ran away from our Beloved, and
needed Him to call us back (Think about on the prodigal son in Luke
15:11-32). We have a debt that had to be paid, just as Gomer had a debt
that must be paid to be free to go back to her husband. Jesus Christ came and
paid our debt. When we were the most unlovable--- God freed us from sin, and
welcomed us into a marriage! God still loves us even when we have fallen , and
demonstrates this in Hosea's life: God instructed Hosea to buy back his wife
Gomer for fifteen pieces of silver and five bushels of barley and a measure of
wine. (Hosea 3:1-5)
What was
the difference between before and after the redemption? It is our actions. We
are changed. We aren't going to go back to our past and doing what we used to
do. Our marriages are at stake, just as it was at stake for Gomer and Hosea. We
are FREE! Our freedom had a great big price
though. Our marriage is not to
be taken lightly.
Question for you to ask yourselves:
What kind of marriage do we have with Christ? Remember
in Isaiah, the Maker is our husband!
(Isaiah 54:5)
How has
our marriage with Christ influenced our earthly marriage and/or relationships
with others?
3.
Ephesians 5
4. Titus
2
5. Hosea
1-3
6. Luke
15:11-32
7.
Isaiah 54:5
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